An independent study by Antenna Wilde has revealed that 100% of women are crazy. The double-blind study, conducted with 16 women over the course of 22 years, shows a clear pattern of insanity. “This study was unique in that the one conducting the study was not even aware of it at the time,” said Wilde, a part time philosopher and amateur psychiatrist. “Neither were the women, nobody was.”
Wilde said he starting compiling the data he had gathered after discovering a stack of old diaries and notebooks in his basement. “There’s a reason they say hindsight is 20/20,” he said, “because looking over these entries it’s obvious, but at the time I had no idea.”
Lawrence Bunt, professor of sexual relations at the Institute for Sensible Relationships, or ISR, said, “Realizing the person you are with is crazy is nothing new. At least 42 percent of people come to that conclusion within the first year. What’s interesting about this study is that 100 percent of the women were crazy, which raises some questions about Mr. Wilde himself.”
Wilde addressed the notion that he has a propensity for crazy women. “Of course I like crazy women, but who doesn’t? If a woman takes a shot of tequila, rips off her clothes and starts riding a mechanical bull in some country bar for example, who wouldn’t want to take her home? And I love it when a woman says something like, “I’m pretty messed up right now,” because that makes me think my chances are better than average.”
Alicia Poutridge, Wilde’s high school sweetheart, said, “Antenna is crazy, that’s why he thinks everyone else is.” And Amanda Dickman, former girlfriend-turned-lesbian said, “I told him a million times that I liked women, but he’d just say ‘me too’ and buy me another drink. You could say he was, like, my boy ‘friend’ or whatever, but we never had sex.”
“I entered the data into my computer,” said Wilde, “and ran it through an algorithm that filtered out key words like ‘crazy’, ‘lying’, ‘cheating’ and ‘nuts’, and guess what I found? 100 percent of the time it was in reference to the woman. It’s all there in black and white: ink doesn’t lie.”
Wilde says his next project is working on an app to weed out crazy women from dating sites like OK Cupid and eHarmony. A spokesman for the dating sites said, under condition of anonymity, that would “effectively close down those services”.
Antenna Wilde 