Clash of the Titans 2010. Conclusion: Shitty Script

At first I anticipated a new take on the film, a new interpretation, but unfortunately special effects can’t hide script errors. Sam Worthington was good in Avatar, but he’s playing the same guy in Clash of the Titans. It might not be bad acting, but it is bad directing and bad scriptwriting. Unconvincing, implausible and unrealistic. For example, we are shown how Perseus has been a simple fisherman all his life, but in a matter of moments he suddenly transforms himself into a top-notch warrior who beats the captain of the guard with no training at all? His attitude and behavior is one of a trained soldier, a captain even, not one of a young man learning about who he is and where his destiny lies.

In the original film, Harry Hamlin portrays Perseus well, realistic in terms of how a man would act under the circumstances. He is ignorant yet curious; enchanted by the gods who play him like a pawn in their game on Olympus. He is wooed by the gifts of sword and shield, and is trained to use them to his advantage. With the “new” Perseus, we see a man rejecting these gifts, determined to beat them “as a man” and yet he is fighting against the power of the gods! What “man” wouldn’t take the sword? Let me ask, would YOU take the sword? He does take the shield, perhaps because it is a gift from a man, but in mythology the shield was given by Hera. And by the way, no helmet of invisibility from Athena? And Andromeda is supposed to be Perseus’s love, and yet there is nothing between them. In fact, Perseus rejects her to go live alone on a mountain… what man would do that?

Ralph Fiennes clearly earns best actor as Hades. Thank you, Ralph. Liam Neison is sub-par as Zeus… and where is Poseidon? Poseidon doesn’t have a role at all, I can’t remember a single line he says. In fact, when Zeus famously cries out, “Release the Kraken” Poseidon isn’t even in the room. Zeus dismisses them all and tells Hades to release the Kraken. But Poseidon controls the Kraken, not Hades. This is such a fundamental error that it defies logic in a multimillion dollar film. Perhaps this is what happens when hack insiders hob-nob in Hollywood to get writing credits, or when directors decide to *write* it themselves by hollering out half-baked, ego-ridden improvisations. And what’s with Calibos? In the new film, Calibos isn’t Andromeda’s suitor, no connection at all, totally different guy in fact. And there’s no riddle for Perseus to solve, nothing the original script brought to the film. The original script which was based on mythology by the way. You know, the story! They should have just elaborated on the original script and made it into two detailed films, instead of hacking the original in half; like the pointless chase scene where Perseus goes after one of Hades minions who stole Medusa’s head, —what? Suddenly it was Avatar again.

With all it’s cheesy claymation, the original Clash of the Titans still kicks ass over the remake. I guess story, plot and pacing will always triumph over special effects, ego-stroking and the quest for fast money.

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Movie Review: The Bucket List

A Movie Review
by Antenna Wilde

Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman star as two men with 6 months to live in The Bucket List; a movie directed by Rob Reiner, which would be better named, The Bucket of Shit List. That way, I wouldn’t have wasted my time downloading it illegally off the web. Sure, the movie was free, but that doesn’t mean I liked it. And in that respect I’m glad there’s piracy in the world.

You would think with two great actors like Nicholson and Freeman you’d have a decent shot at seeing a classic, but instead what you get is a laborious and unconvincing display of mediocrity—until the end, which wasn’t that bad. And when I say the end, I mean the last 5 minutes (which probably should have been the beginning to another, much better movie).

The screenplay seemed intent on showing how the characters relationship develops and the humanizing effect it had during their last days on earth, but instead we end up seeing two old guys acting like they wished Rob Reiner would hurry up and finish shooting the film already.

I kept wishing for that too. The best part was when I neglected to pause the DVD and farted my way into the kitchen to do the dishes; there, I daydreamed with the soapy sponge until I forget where I was, then remembered before meandering back to the show carrying a bowl full of beer nuts.

If I had to sum up the movie, I say: imagine Morgan Freeman’s character in The Shawshank Redemption buddying up with Nicholson’s character from About Schmidt, then listen to them both being sick in the next room while you’re sitting on the toilet; taking a Sunday afternoon shit with yesterday’s newspaper. It’s just about that interesting.