Movie Review: The Bucket List

A Movie Review
by Antenna Wilde

Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman star as two men with 6 months to live in The Bucket List; a movie directed by Rob Reiner, which would be better named, The Bucket of Shit List. That way, I wouldn’t have wasted my time downloading it illegally off the web. Sure, the movie was free, but that doesn’t mean I liked it. And in that respect I’m glad there’s piracy in the world.

You would think with two great actors like Nicholson and Freeman you’d have a decent shot at seeing a classic, but instead you get a laborious and unconvincing display of mediocrity—until the end, which wasn’t that bad. And when I say the end, I mean the very last 5 minutes (which probably should have been the beginning to another, much better movie).

The screenplay seemed intent on showing us how their relationship develops, and the humanizing effect it has during their last days on earth, but instead what we see is two old guys acting like they wanted Rob Reiner to hurry up and finish shooting the film already.

I kept wishing for that too. The best part was when I neglected to pause the DVD and farted my way into the kitchen to do the dishes; there, I daydreamed with a soapy sponge in hand, forgetting where I was, before suddenly remembering that I was watching a shitty movie. And so, sluggishly, I meandered back to my seat with a bowl full of beer nuts.

If I had to sum up the movie—which I’m dying to do—I’d say this: imagine Morgan Freeman’s character in The Shawshank Redemption, then buddy him up with Nicholson’s character from About Schmidt. Now listen to them groan about their prostates while you’re taking a dump in the nearest bathroom with the door wide open. You reach out to pull the door shut, but you just can’t reach stretch far enough without dropping a turd on the floor, so you lean back with a sigh and unfold yesterday’s newspaper; but it’s half wet. It was kinda like that.

: : : : : : : : : : :