Arnold Makes Love Child, The Sperminator Strikes Again
by Antenna Wilde
Shocking, exclusive photo of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love child revealed! How this escaped the public eye is uncertain, for the resemblance is striking. Mildred Patricia Baena, mother of the child, has refused to reveal the boy’s name. However, a source has told Antenna Wilde that his name is, in fact, Conan “The Diaper” Baena. When asked to confirm the name, mother Mildred replied, “Absolutely not!” A denial so strong and swift that it seems, well, a little too strong and swift.
Long known for his aggressive sexual deviance, Schwarzenegger nonetheless managed to dupe his wife Maria and family for years, however, people close to the former Governator say that Shriver was privy to the misconduct, but turned a blind eye for political reasons. When asked what he thought of the new nickname, The Sperminator, Schwarzenegger replied, “I like The Sperminator, I think it’s catchy. No one can really get away with that name but me, you know, and I should mention that I’m coming out with another Terminator movie.”
What future relationship Arnold will have with Conan “The Diaper” Baena remains to be seen, but producer Ivan Reitman has suggested making a sequel to Junior, wherein Schwarzenegger will first impregnate himself, then give birth to Conan “The Diaper” as a thirteen year old clone. Critics argue the premise of a man giving birth assumes that the man not only has a uterus, but a vagina as well. Reitman countered the critics in a public statement released today, saying, “First of all, you can’t prove that he doesn’t have a vagina, that’s never been proven. Secondly, in the movie he would be a hermaphrodite, with a very long penis. Theoretically he could u-turn the penis and thereby manage to impregnate himself. As for giving birth to a thirteen year old boy, well, you know Arnold’s a big guy, so… it’s possible.”