Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Love Child, Baby Photo Revealed!


Baby Conan at 2 Years Old

Arnold Makes Love Child, The Sperminator Strikes Again

by Antenna Wilde

Shocking, exclusive photo of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love child revealed! How this escaped the public eye is uncertain, for the resemblance is striking. Mildred Patricia Baena, mother of the child, has refused to reveal the boy’s name. However, a source has told Antenna Wilde that his name is, in fact, Conan “The Diaper” Baena. When asked to confirm the name, mother Mildred replied, “Absolutely not!” A denial so strong and swift that it seems, well, a little too strong and swift.

Long known for his aggressive sexual deviance, Schwarzenegger nonetheless managed to dupe his wife Maria and family for years, however, people close to the former Governator say that Shriver was privy to the misconduct, but turned a blind eye for political reasons. When asked what he thought of the new nickname, The Sperminator, Schwarzenegger replied, “I like The Sperminator, I think it’s catchy. No one can really get away with that name but me, you know, and I should mention that I’m coming out with another Terminator movie.”

What future relationship Arnold will have with Conan “The Diaper” Baena remains to be seen, but producer Ivan Reitman has suggested making a sequel to Junior, wherein Schwarzenegger will first impregnate himself, then give birth to Conan “The Diaper” as a thirteen year old clone. Critics argue the premise of a man giving birth assumes that the man not only has a uterus, but a vagina as well. Reitman countered the critics in a public statement released today, saying, “First of all, you can’t prove that he doesn’t have a vagina, that’s never been proven. Secondly, in the movie he would be a hermaphrodite, with a very long penis. Theoretically he could u-turn the penis and thereby manage to impregnate himself. As for giving birth to a thirteen year old boy, well, you know Arnold’s a big guy, so… it’s possible.”

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Osama Bin Laden Alive!


Despite widespread reports of the death of Osama Bin Laden, eye witnesses report that the Al Qaeda leader is, in fact, working as head fry chef at McDonald’s Baghdad. According to sources close to the Jihad leader, despite his radical extremism, he has always retained a long-lived passion for fast food. Although far from Kosher—and certainly not Halal—this may just reflects the enigmatic nature of Bin Laden.

Previously President Obama refused to comment on whether Bin Laden did or did not have a relationship with Burger King between 1992 and 1995, but later conceded that special forces and CIA officials observed him eating a Whopper in Paris, France via satellite in 1991. Sources confirm that regardless of whether the beef was Halal, is was indeed confirmed to be genetically modified. Whether or not this fact will affect the martyr’s afterlife is open for debate.

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