Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Love Child, Baby Photo Revealed!


Baby Conan at 2 Years Old

Arnold Makes Love Child, The Sperminator Strikes Again

by Antenna Wilde

Shocking, exclusive photo of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love child revealed! How this escaped the public eye is uncertain, for the resemblance is striking. Mildred Patricia Baena, mother of the child, has refused to reveal the boy’s name. However, a source has told Antenna Wilde that his name is, in fact, Conan “The Diaper” Baena. When asked to confirm the name, mother Mildred replied, “Absolutely not!” A denial so strong and swift that it seems, well, a little too strong and swift.

Long known for his aggressive sexual deviance, Schwarzenegger nonetheless managed to dupe his wife Maria and family for years, however, people close to the former Governator say that Shriver was privy to the misconduct, but turned a blind eye for political reasons. When asked what he thought of the new nickname, The Sperminator, Schwarzenegger replied, “I like The Sperminator, I think it’s catchy. No one can really get away with that name but me, you know, and I should mention that I’m coming out with another Terminator movie.”

What future relationship Arnold will have with Conan “The Diaper” Baena remains to be seen, but producer Ivan Reitman has suggested making a sequel to Junior, wherein Schwarzenegger will first impregnate himself, then give birth to Conan “The Diaper” as a thirteen year old clone. Critics argue the premise of a man giving birth assumes that the man not only has a uterus, but a vagina as well. Reitman countered the critics in a public statement released today, saying, “First of all, you can’t prove that he doesn’t have a vagina, that’s never been proven. Secondly, in the movie he would be a hermaphrodite, with a very long penis. Theoretically he could u-turn the penis and thereby manage to impregnate himself. As for giving birth to a thirteen year old boy, well, you know Arnold’s a big guy, so… it’s possible.”

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Death by Electrocution


by Antenna Wilde
12/19/09

I was having a problem with an electrical outlet, so I had an electrician come over to check it out. He said there was no power to the outlet, and went around checking the other outlets. He was spending a lot of time checking these outlets, and I tell him which ones work already, but he keeps putting this electric sensor up to them, saying he, “needs to see if they work.” So I grab a lamp and plug it into an outlet he hasn’t checked yet: the lamp lights up.
He looks at me and says, “No, I have to use this sensor.”
“Yeah,” I say, “I’m using a sensor too, this lamp! You see how it’s on?” Because you know, the lamp is on, so obviously it’s working. And it’s not smoking haywire or shooting electric tree branches up the wall, so I say, “Why don’t you check the outlet over there, you know, the one that’s NOT working?”

At first he frowns at me, but then gets off his knees and goes over to squat down beside the first outlet, taking the plate off and pulling out some wires. “Oh, lookee here,” he says, probing his sensor into the jack, “If that ain’t the biggest rats nest I ever…” and suddenly lightning shoots up his veins and flashes all around him until his head sparkles like a Chisese pinata on New Years, and drops dead to the floor, simmering. I checked his pulse, but nothing. I felt bad, but still, I don’t see what’s wrong with using a lamp to see if an outlet works. Fuckin’ retard. Anyone know a good electrician?

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llama Kill by Cousin Inbred


Antenna Wilde welcomes special guest blogger, Cousin inbred from Myspace.com

llama Kill, a Retort
By Cousin inbred
11/21/09

First off, u should read Purdy Poo’s blog befor readin mine.
Now, Purdy Poo done think she can go steelin the spot-lite wit her storeeze of poopin lambas, and how rightieous she is by settin ’em free? Well, yer cuzins got sumpthin to say bout that., cuz it just so happens that I waz the one drivin the pick-up truck that killed them lambas, and i didn’t feeel bad about it one buit. Fact is, I fed my whole family wit thos lambas, cuzons and all.

I waz drivin the trusty ol Chevy on route 2, same as any night after workin the night shift. It waz 6AM i rememebr cause that’s when I always have a “just-got-off-werk” shot off Jaxk Dansliels (special reserve) And these giant turkeys come staggering stupid-like across the road, and I hits em intenshunal-like cause i’m all happy when i gets a good road kill fer free, no worries on the highway gettin it fressh right there. But these lambas were big ol heavy fuckerz! HA! You shoulda seen them smack dab BAM fuckin SLAM on the hood and roll on out over to the sides of the road. One was dead fer sure and the other was brethin coughy rasp until i took my shotgun an plugged his head real good and overflow.

So i skinned em at home, gut em clean an fixed up the periferals. We called lots of people, lotz came. Cuzon greg came by wit some grease form Amy Bahkers and we made all kinds of funny edibles. Point is, you can feed a great many peoples with 2 llambas. Purdy Poo’s gota keep that in mind, how to see it in the true lite of nature; we being hungry animals and all, and needin feedin. Llamba poo may smell horrendible, but the meat is purdy sweet marinarded in beer and spices, put on the spit a while. Come on down, Purdy! We wont bite —much! heh heh heh.

Couzin Inbred

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The Death of David Carradine : NOT the Way of the Grasshopper


What, would Master Po say, “One must be mindful, young Grasshopper, of choking oneself with a belt while whacking off in a hotel closet.”

No, this is NOT the way of the Grasshopper!

David Carradine was 72 years old—and looking pretty good for his years, I mean, the man got puntang. So then why… WHY, when he was doing what he loved, had the world as his oyster; had friends, fans and loved ones, did something prompt him —something so strong and persuading— to strip naked, wrap a curtain cord around his neck and hang himself in the closet? (Reports now indicate it was a shoe string). But still; so odd, so disturbing, so unlike Kwai Chang Caine.

Reports revealed the cause of death was autoerotic asphyxiation, yet Chuck Binder, Carradine’s manager, said he was found “with his hands tied behind his back”. This contradicts a newspaper report from Thai Rath which includes a photo of the actor with his hands tied behind his back.
But check out the photo: looks like the body of a female hooker to me. What gives? I don’t buy it. Rumors are circulating that Carradine was in the process of uncovering some Kung Fu underground, a claim stated by his attorney on Larry King Live, but this sounds to me more like a family’s attempt to create controversy and uncertainty around an otherwise unsavory fact: Carradine was kinky, and whoops—he fucked up. Two of his ex-wives have stated that he enjoyed a little S & M now and again, including bondage, but the jury is still out as to what the The Grasshopper’s real fate was. What do YOU think?

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Hooters : You Came for A Sandwich?


by Antenna Wilde

Honestly, I’ve walked into two Hooters in my life, and it was the same cluster of sad, drooling losers trying to act like they’ve come for something other than booty shorts and fake tits. “But hey, the GAME is on!” Anyway, I walked by a Hooters last night—and yes, I had to peer through the window for an ogle because, let’s face it; Hooters doesn’t hire fatties.

Now isn’t this just the poor man’s version of a strip club? (Where Hooters girls end up, incidentally, if they don’t make it to the Annual Bikini Finals.) Personally, I prefer strip clubs. There’s something authentic about a strip club: the girls are whores, the guys are horny. But more importantly, nobody’s trying to pretend that they came for a sandwich. Check out Hooters website. Ah yes, there’s nothing like eating a Hogie with a boner.Hooters Makes You Hungry AND Horny?

Wow, look at that sandwich back there! I can almost taste the… uh, what is that, ham? It could be smoked turkey… legs… yes… definitely legs. According to this advertisement, the Hooter’s formula is: Hot chick + “makes you happy” = (can you guess?) Oh yeah, they also have sandwiches.

And Hooters sponsors sporting events too, like the NGA Tour. That’s right, it’s The Hooters Classic! I don’t know about you, but when I think golf, I think Titties! It’s likely the event will increase your handicap, but then again, you might not care.

Neither does anyone else. I did a google search on Hooters and found this: “Hooters Girls: The Finalists – 19841 views – 0 comments”Nobody Cares

It’s shocking really, that 19,841 people viewed the page and NOT ONE took the time to say anything. Not even, “Hey, nice tits!”

A lot of people think Hooters should be sued for only hiring hot chicks with big tits. And actually, they have been. But oddly enough, the biggest lawsuit settlement went to men, who wanted to be, uh… “Hooters boys”? Weird. And here’s something else weird: in the Hooters girl handbook, one of the conditions of employment requires Hooters Girls to sign a statement recognizing they may be victims of harassment: “I hereby acknowledge…the work environment is one in which joking and innuendo based on female sex appeal is commonplace.” So you could say that, making a “nice tits” comment is not only appropriate, but encouraged. So come on girls, just show us your tits, because who ever came for a sandwich?

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