I Have 400 Bottles of Hand Sanitizer, and Nowhere to Sell It


I Have 400 Bottles of Hand Sanitizer and Nowhere to Sell It

by Antenna Wilde

It was sometime in late March that I started looking for hand sanitizer at the local stores. Walgreens, CVS, Rite Aid… sold out. The local supermarkets were sold out. A week went by and Amazon was sold out. Major news outlets began running articles about how to make it at home, linking to the World Health Organization website where they listed their formula in detail. Perfect. All I had to do now was buy the ingredients.

Wrong. I couldn’t find isopropyl alcohol anywhere, or hydrogen peroxide. Other recipes included simply isopropyl alcohol and aloe vera gel, but aloe vera was sold out everywhere too. All of the usual avenues were closed. I did have one bottle of isopropyl in my medicine cabinet along with some aloe vera gel and made a bottle the quick way. In the meantime I started looking online for the ingredients to make more.

Finding singles bottles of isopropyl alcohol, aloe vera gel and/or hydrogen peroxide was an exercise in futility, so I grew bold. I started looking for gallon jugs but failed. Then five gallon jugs, to no avail. I finally found some five gallon jugs from an unusual source: a T-shirt screen-printing supplier. Apparently isopropyl is used to clean the ink off of silk-screens. Great. I bought a five gallon jug of 99.9% isopropyl alcohol.

What I didn’t know at the time was that this is a flammable product and needed to be shipped LTL, costing me an additional pretty penny. So be it. I had the good fortune of finding three large bottles of hydrogen peroxide from a local Walgreens that had just opened up the day before, ready stocked with everything in advance, and found glycerin and vitamin E from a large soap supplier in Michigan. The vitamin E wasn’t part of the WHO formula but was a nice addition for people like me with especially dry hands. The vitamin E was very expensive.

What was I going to do with a five gallon bucket of isopropyl alcohol? The WHO formula could create roughly seven gallons of hand sanitizer with 75% alcohol content. I decided to sell some and give some away to neighbors and friends, so I went online and bought 100 4 ounce bottles and caps. The WHO website said that the sanitizer should be labeled a certain way. It had to include the date of manufacture, the contents in ratios, and comments like, “for external use only” and “keep away from children”. I followed the rules, made a label from an app, created an account with an online label maker, uploaded the label and made another purchase.

While waiting for the supplies to arrive I made further preparations. In my shed was a garden sprayer that I cleaned out three times. I cleared a space in the garage and put out a table, scale, and electric mixing stick and stainless steel pots. I had become, like many people, recently unemployed and besides being a single, full-time dad and sudden full-time home-schooler, had the time to do all of this.

The bottles and labels arrived and I labeled them all. The rest of the supplies arrived and I weighed them to the ounce and mixed them according to the WHO instructions. That was the easy part. I filled the bottles, put on the caps, and started handing them out to friends and neighbors. Then I posted an ad on a local rag and quickly sold out. I was done… or was I?

Being unemployed with no income, it seemed like a good idea to make more. Back at the screen printing supply company they were quickly beginning to sell out of isopropyl alcohol. I took a chance. Using my credit card I bought four more five gallon buckets, then began searching for bottles again. This is where the nightmare began.

The bottles were sold out everywhere. Estimates showed no new shipments would arrive (from China of course) for at least another month. The search went on for hours at a time. I finally found a bottle company in Kentucky that had some, so I purchased 400 bottles and tops. A week went by and no notifications came to my email. I checked with the company and they assured me they would ship in the next two days. Three days later I asked again, but no reply. Another four days passed and I called and left a message. I emailed too, but no reply. After a total of 14 days and countless hours I found another bottle supplier that had enough bottles and ordered them. Then I cancelled the order from the fraudulent company in Kentucky, disputed the charge on my credit card, and waited.

Good luck arrived! The bottles came as ordered and I went about mixing the formula, filling and labeling the bottles in my garage in Vermont. It was cold in the garage, about 40 degrees. Filling each bottle individually took a lot of time. It seemed like NPR was on the radio for days on end. When a had a batch of bottles ready I put them aside and made some more. Then I started advertising again, but this time things were quiet. I drove around to local stores and gave out free samples. I called local drug stores and left messages. I emailed the local hospital and got no response. The credit card bill came. I grew depressed.

Soon enough a local convenience store bought twenty bottles and things were looking up, but I still had 474 bottles in my garage and over two thousand dollars on my credit card. I drove 5 miles south, stopping at convenience stores along the way, leaving free samples. I handed out more bottles to friends and neighbors. I gave twenty bottles to a local homeless shelter. After two weeks I opened an eBay account, and then a PayPal account. I took pictures, boxed several cases of bottles, researched shipping prices at the local post office and finally listed my product.

And eBay responded:

Due to regulatory restrictions across the United States, we have chosen to ban certain items listed on our site.   
 
Effective immediately, eBay will block new listings and start to remove listings that sell:
• Health care masks including N95/N100 and surgical masks
• Hand Sanitizer/Gel
• Disinfecting Wipes
 
We will continue to monitor the evolving situation and quickly remove any listing that mentions COVID-19, coronavirus, 2019nCoV (except books) in the title or description.
 
These listings may violate applicable US laws or regulations, eBay policies, and exhibit unfair pricing behavior for our buyers. 

Apparently people were price-gouging, but I wasn’t. I was selling 4oz hand sanitizers at $7 a bottle, and for less when they bought them in bulk. After calculating all my costs I was not profiting more than 50% of my investment, and that was not including my time. If I included all of my time, at $15 an hour, the price would be ridiculously high, perhaps $20 per bottle. What my hourly wage would be at $7 per bottle I have no idea, perhaps two or three dollars an hour, probably less. I never thought about my hourly wage because I wasn’t doing it to “cash in” on the crisis. I was doing it because I found myself doing it, had lost my job, and it was a product that people desperately needed.

People I have spoken to have praised me. They say what a great idea it was, how it’s a service that people need, that my prices are fair, and that the product is good. They say it’s the American entrepreneurial spirit, a free-market society. Capitalism at its best. But looking at the boxes of bottles in the living room, the credit card bill on the table, and my kid doing her homework online, all I can think of is how I wish I hadn’t bothered, and that I would have been much better off spending my time helping her with her schoolwork. Now I’ll focus on collecting Pandemic Unemployment Assistance, if I can get it. In the USA, it seems you are only allowed to by your hand sanitizer from a monopoly like Walmart, or Target, or Home Depot… but good luck finding it.

Queensboro Sally Depressed She’s Never Asked About Weather


groundhog

Queensboro, NY— Queensboro Sally, long-time groundhog and weather forecaster, was reportedly depressed this week when, once again, she was not asked to predict an early or late spring. Local animal whisperer Jody Florence spent the day with Sally, and told The Weather Channel that her depression was due to famous groundhogs Punxsutawney Phil and Staten Island Chuck getting all the attention. In addition, she claims sexism is involved, since every city’s groundhog weather forecaster is male.

“It’s not just Punxsutawney Phil and Staten Island Chuck,” said Florence. “There’s also Dunkirk Dave, Buckeye Chuck and Shubenacadie Sam. These groundhogs are not only all male, but some have received knighthood and military titles such as Sir Wally Wally and General Beauregard Lee. Queensboro Sally’s record of prediction is just as good, if not better, than her male counterparts.”

When we approached Queensboro Sally for comment she promptly snorted and turned back into her burrow, but did not see her shadow.

In Last Ditch Effort, Bill Cosby Claims He is Actually Ray Charles


cosby

In a last ditch effort to avoid jail time, beloved comedian and serial rapist Bill Cosby argued to the court that he was, in fact, beloved musician Ray Charles. When the honorable Judge Steven T. O’Neill rejected that claim, Cosby replied, “Would you believe Stevie Wonder? Look at these fingers!”

That claim was also rejected by his magistrate after Cosby failed to play ‘Higher Ground’ and ‘Part Time Lover’ to his satisfaction. Cosby is currently awaiting sentencing with a freezer full of Pudding pops.

How To Remove Red Eye in Photos for Mac Sierra


1. Launch the Photos app on your Mac.

2. Double-click the photo you want to edit. You HAVE to double-click the photo to access the editor (Stupid, I know). (If the image is not in Photos, choose File — Import and choose the image.)

3. Click the Edit Photo icon:
1

4. Click “Red eye”
2

5.Adjust the size of the circle with the slider to match the red eye. Make sure the circle is the same size as the red circles, then align the circle over the red portion of the eye and click to fix.
3

4

6. Click Done on the top right of the Photos window.

The kid looks a lot better, eh?

A Message from Donald J. Trump About Hitler


trump-wha?

A lot of people say, ‘Hitler, bad guy’, OK? And that’s true. Bad guy, but he got a lot done, right? And it’s hard to get things done when you’re in charge of a whole country. Plus he had to invade all those other countries, which isn’t easy. So yeah, bad guy, but got a lot done. And look at the VW bug; that was Hitler. If it wasn’t for Hitler there wouldn’t be a VW bug, and a lot of people like that car. The hippies love that car. That’s ironic, right? The hippies.

So he did the bug, and he got things done, but there was the whole killing thing, which was bad. Everyone says it was bad, and it was, but there was a lot more going on than just that. There was a lot of other things that had to be done, he was invading countries, trying to make Germany great again, and there were all those people giving him a hard time, saying, ‘Oh, Adolph, you’re so hard on the Polocks, and why do you have to gas all the Jews?’ but he got a lot done in a short period of time. Look at France, right? He invaded France and they all surrendered without a fight, so, you know, why would you stop there? Would anyone stop there? Of course not. You’d keep going, you’d have to keep going, and so that’s what he did.

And the Jew thing, it was bad, ok? Everyone says it was bad, so it was bad, but he got a lot of gold out of their teeth, and there was a lot of furniture and property confiscated, so it’s not like it was for nothing. So a few million Jews… some people say 6 million, some say it never happened. Did it even happen? Some people say no, it didn’t, so it’s hard to even know if it happened. Could be fake news, there’s always been fake news. Pictures are doctored, like the moon landing, so we don’t know. Did it happen? Probably, but we just don’t know.

Elon Musk Planning to Launch Tesla Semi Into Orbit


tesla-heavy3

Not to be outdone by the spectacular and successful launch of Falcon Heavy, whose cargo included a cherry red Tesla Roadster, Elon Musk announced today that he plans to launch a massive Tesla electric Semi into the Andromeda Galaxy.

Inside the truck will be another, smaller truck, and inside that truck will be a toy semi truck. Inside the toy semi truck will be a little spaceman wearing sunglasses and a funny hat. Upon entering the thermosphere, the song “Space Oddity” by David Bowie will start playing through Tesla’s impressive NVX custom BOOST subwoofer system. “We want aliens to know that we have good taste in music,” Musk said, “so we’ve attached solar panels on the truck so our kick-ass tunes will be blasting throughout the galaxy for years to come.”

When asked why he was launching the semi, Musk climbed into a sleek, one-man drone prototype and said, “Why not? It’s fun!” before flying off to an unknown destination.

Roy Moore Argues Black Votes only Count as Three Fifths


roy-moore

 

by Antenna Wilde

Unrelenting in his arguments against Doug Jones’ win being certified, failed Senate candidate and child predator Roy Moore requested a judge to overturn the final certification of his election defeat, citing the claim that the black voter turnout should only count as three fifths of the total number.

“Call me old-fashioned but I’m a strict Constitutionalist,” Moore told reporters, “and according to the compromises enacted by the Constitutional Convention of 1787, otherwise known as the three-fifths clause, blacks in a state should only be counted as three-fifths the number of white inhabitants of a state. If you take that into consideration, I actually won.”

UPDATE:

Alabama Circuit Judge Johnny Hardwick denied Moore’s motion to vacate, or overturn, the court’s previous ruling. Moore was last seen riding his horse Sassy to the local mall dressed like a cowboy. His wife could not be reached for comment.

 

Mitch McConnell Accused of Sexual Harassment


Mitch McConnell Accused of Sexual Harassment

Mitch McConnell

by Antenna Wilde

Amid a flurry of sexual abuse allegations, Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell has been accused by a number of turtles, tortoises and terrapins of sexual misconduct. As of today McConnell denies the allegations. “These allegations are false,” he told reporters. “Every relationship I have ever had with a turtle was strictly professional, or with their consent.”

However, several turtles have rejected that claim. “He was always trying to get into my shell,” said one terrapin, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “He’d talk about my shell, the shape of my plates, and especially the pygal.”

A tortoise who had previously worked behind the scenes with McConnell in the House, alleges that he physically assaulted her. “We were going over some legislation in his office,” she said, “when he suddenly climbed onto the back of my shell and whispered ‘tax cuts for the rich’. I almost threw up in my snapper.”

Minority leader Nancy Pelosi joined other democrats in calling for an investigation. “If these allegations are true,” she said, “he should resign immediately.” When asked if she believed the Majority leader or the turtles, she replied, “I believe the turtles, yes.”

Early this morning president Trump injected himself into the matter. “This is just another political hit job by the loser democrats,” tweeted the president. “I’ve been with hundreds of turtles and every one of them liked it. If they say they didn’t they’re lying.”

turtle4-scared
Psychiatrists and turtle experts agree that this is the expression of a turtle in shock

Other accusers have requested to remain anonymous…

UPDATE! Shocking photo leaked to press!! (Warning: viewer discretion is advised)

mcconnell-turtle-fuck1

McConnell has not returned our requests for further comment.

Noam Chomsky Accused of Harassment


Noam Chomsky Accused of Harassment

chomsky

by Antenna Wilde

 

Amid a wave of scandals involving rape, sexual assault and harassment, famed linguistics and world affairs professor Noam Chomsky of MIT has been accused by three women of harassment.

Nora Whitmeyer, a former student and subsequent librarian in the linguistics department, reported that Chomsky repeatedly whispered the phrase, “If we don’t believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don’t believe in it at all.”

Abigail Summers also reported that the professor repeated phrases in her ear, including, “Case by case, we find that conformity is the easy way, and the path to privilege and prestige; dissidence carries personal costs.”

They said it drove them insane.

A third woman, who requested anonymity, stated that in 1955, when Chomsky was only an assistant professor, stopped her in the library and asked point blank, “What is the difference between Continental liberalism, English liberalism, and Old Whiggism?

One cannot fathom what type of psychological impact this would have on any of us, but few people can withstand that kind of pointed aggression for very long. We have tried to get a statement from professor Chomsky but it is extremely difficult to get around his schedule of naps.

MIT has declined to comment at this time.

 

 

Something We All Can Agree On


It’s Not Just About the Presidency. As the political pundits take turns lambasting each other, and the Republicans and Democrats attack and blame each other, a very small group of people at the top of the economic ladder sit back and laugh.

On the day I turned eighteen I registered to vote as an Independent, and not once have I ever considered changing my mind. Recently, I was surprised to learn that a whopping 42% of Americans also identify themselves as Independents; far higher than either Democrats or Republicans on their own. And the trend is increasing:

 

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Now, I’m not going to tell you to vote for Trump, or Clinton, or even Sanders. That would be a waste of time. My point is that the vast majority of Americans are totally disgusted with the establishment and they want change. Real change. So then, can we at least agree that many people had HOPE that Obama would deliver, and yet didn’t?

Now, we can blame the unprecedented amount of obstructionism in congress, or the Wall Street bailout and its influence in Washington, or even Obama himself. But the truth is that virtually every Senator and every House Representative spends the majority of their time getting campaign contributions for the next election cycle, and those contributions come from Wall Street, Big Oil, Big Pharma, Big Industry, and the Military Industrial Complex.

And We, the People, just don’t have any influence. But why?

  1. WE DONT HAVE A LOBBY.
    1. The American people don’t lobby representatives with CASH donations. So maybe we need to play the same game. The closest thing to a people’s lobby are unions, of course, but those are the same unions that Big Industry and Wall Street want to crush. So we should support them.
  2. WE DONT VOTE.
    1. 47% of Americans did not vote in the last election; an embarrassing statistic for the world’s (supposed) greatest democracy. Are we confined to TV and couches? Your masters continue to hope so.

Screen Shot 2016-02-28 at 9.30.09 PM

But what the fuck can we actually DO?

  1. VOTE. THEM. OUT.
    1. When we don’t vote these fucking clowns out of office, they just collect more and more money from special interests, and in that corruption cycle, they become harder and harder to get out. The irony. So then, VOTE THEM OUT! Don’t just go to the polls with a president in mind, look at the smaller fish. Who has your back? Who has a track record? Who’s a shill? Do some research!
  2. PARTICIPATE.
    1. If 100% of people get off their asses to go to work, the supermarkets, malls, bars, restaurants and movie theaters, then why don’t they go to vote? (And I mean YOU!)
    2. Because poll locations and voting information is hard to find. You never hear the mainstream media advocating for local populations to go where, when, and how to vote. And for one very good reason: THEY DON’T WANT YOU TO. But why?
    3. Because the more people know, the less control the Power Elite have over their lives. YOUR life.
  3. FOCUS ON YOUR COMMUNITY.
    1. We all have ideas about who should be the next president, but it’s far more important in the long run to control the House, Senate, and your local representatives. Democracy begins at home, and we exact Change from the ground up. Presidential elections are important, but they are also a distraction from who will ultimately vote for the proposed legislation that will affect your lives.

Then what’s to stop us?

  1. EDUCATION
    1. The vast majority of Americans are completely ignorant about what’s actually going on, and rely on the mainstream media for information. However, the mainstream media’s MAIN PURPOSE is to provide DISINFORMATION. Therefore, the only hope to regain REAL DEMOCRACY is to spread the truth to your friends and family, and anyone who will listen. You will be confronted with opposition, disbelief, and even scorn. No worries, it’s ok. Don’t give up! There is only one planet, one people, and one chance to save it. So keep the faith and keep on keeping on.

But what about the President?

I won’t inject my personal opinion, but will say this; that the ONLY way to effect real change and give the power back to the People is to elect someone who you feel has the message that BRINGS ALL OF US TOGETHER. Whoever you feel cares about the Middle Class, the working families who make up the vast majority of our country. Someone who is not divisive but inclusive. Someone with a track record that you can rely on. Someone who has not flip flopped over the years. Someone who is not interested in their own profit but the benefit of the general population. The choice is yours, and GOOD LUCK!