Movie Review: The Bucket List

A Movie Review
by Antenna Wilde

Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman star as two men with 6 months to live in The Bucket List; a movie directed by Rob Reiner, which would be better named, The Bucket of Shit List. That way, I wouldn’t have wasted my time downloading it illegally off the web. Sure, the movie was free, but that doesn’t mean I liked it. And in that respect I’m glad there’s piracy in the world.

You would think with two great actors like Nicholson and Freeman you’d have a decent shot at seeing a classic, but instead what you get is a laborious and unconvincing display of mediocrity—until the end, which wasn’t that bad. And when I say the end, I mean the last 5 minutes (which probably should have been the beginning to another, much better movie).

The screenplay seemed intent on showing how the characters relationship develops and the humanizing effect it had during their last days on earth, but instead we end up seeing two old guys acting like they wished Rob Reiner would hurry up and finish shooting the film already.

I kept wishing for that too. The best part was when I neglected to pause the DVD and farted my way into the kitchen to do the dishes; there, I daydreamed with the soapy sponge until I forget where I was, then remembered before meandering back to the show carrying a bowl full of beer nuts.

If I had to sum up the movie, I say: imagine Morgan Freeman’s character in The Shawshank Redemption buddying up with Nicholson’s character from About Schmidt, then listen to them both being sick in the next room while you’re sitting on the toilet; taking a Sunday afternoon shit with yesterday’s newspaper. It’s just about that interesting.

Politicians are Corporate Bitches…and Monsanto is the Anti-Christ

Politicians are Corporate Bitchesnasa_funding.jpg
…and Monsanto is the Anti-Christ

by Antenna Wilde

It has become increasing clear that very few—if any—mainstream news outlets are objective. The same could be said for any news outlet I suppose, everyone has a bias to a degree, but the whole POINT of journalism is to remain indifferent. The New York Times should not be endorsing anyone, simply reporting the facts as they arise. Same goes for the rest of ’em….

That is why the web is increasingly becoming the most important source of independent, unbiased news and information. Let’s hope “The Man” doesn’t gobble up every PING, search engine and re-direction there is (which, by the way, is happening with Fox “News” on WordPress). Otherwise, what seems unbiased will slowly become a mainstream FEED, which equals: JUST PLAIN CENSORED.

Take the case of Jane Akre and Steve Wilson, two Fox reporters in Tampa who, in 1997, were fired for refusing to revise a story regarding recombinant bovine growth hormone produced by Monsanto, a multi-billion dollar company that brought you such favorites as Agent Orange, “Terminator “seeds, and an ongoing series of heinous genetically altered chemical DUMPING right in your back yard.

Fox news bowed to pressure from Monsanto and fired the reporters who refused to alter the facts of the story. The reporters sued Fox—and won—but the decision was reversed on appeal. Why? According to Columbia Journalism Review, “Fox successfully appealed against judgment on the grounds that its First Amendment rights to freedom of speech and press protected it from such litigation, and that the FCC’s policy against distortion of news was not a sufficiently significant rule for its breach to invoke the whistleblower law.”

Which means, oddly enough, that Fox didn’t argue it HADN’T distorted the facts, rather, it’s argument was that The First Amendment gives them the RIGHT to present a “distortion of the news.” And they call it “Fair and Balanced.”

What is even scarier is the fact that a giant corporation like Fox won’t even mess with Monsanto who, one could argue, poses the biggest threat to the survival of the human race. Their genetically modified foods are unknowingly consumed daily by Americans (banned in every other first world country, by the way) have been shown to cause liver and kidney toxification in rats (then released for human consumption after a 90 day “test” period) and are cross-pollinating organic foods every time the wind blows.

Perhaps the most transparent indication that Monsanto is run by the Anti-Christ is, after this accidental pollination occurs, they sue the affected farmers for “patent infringement”. Hillarious! Of course this is all kept quiet by our Politicians (who receive PAC money and LOBBYING money from Monsanto) and the Media pundits who, as one can imagine, keep their mouths shut by stuffing them with ORGANIC FOOD.

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Hillary Clinton’s Affair with Barack Obama

Entertaining his Notion
Entertaining his Notion

Hillary says, “Bill owes me one.”
by Antenna Wilde

In a stunning twist of events, Hillary Clinton was caught “goosing” Barack Obama at a recent event. Sources close to Clinton say that he was turned on about her presidential campaign, but deny there has been any hanky panky. When asked about the goosing at a press gathering, the President-elect joked, “I think we’re finally getting along.” A comment which apparently irritated his wife Michelle, who, according to a Fox News reporter, “Made a comment in regards to ‘bitch-slapping’ the former First Lady.”

In an attempt to prevent Hillary from stealing the spotlight, former President Clinton officially invited Mrs. Obama to share a cigar. “They’re Cuban,” he winked. A barrage of criticism flooded the blogosphere, forcing a number of servers to temporarily shut down, and prompting Senator Mitch McConnell to make a statement, “This is exactly the kind of behavior (cough) the American people were offended by during Bill’s Presidency, (yawn) do we have to suffer through four years of this?” The senator then fell asleep in his chair.

Many pundits are speculating whether or not Hillary will actually sleep with Obama, while insiders are reporting bickering over who should actually be on top. “Obviously there’s a big difference between the two,” said Obama “and the American people have made it clear which position I’m in.” Hillary replied that she was willing to entertain his notion, and suggested they try some “role playing … to see what course of action to take.”

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