Man Smokes Weed, Goes on Shooting Spree
Is it really this bad?
No, of course not. I had to get your attention though, because Americans need to deal with this very sensitive topic of gun control and mass shootings. And I have a solution.
Don’t change the gun laws. There, I said it. Now all you gun-lovin’ 2nd Amendment fanatics can relax.
But don’t worry all you peace-lovin’, another-Sandy-Hook-fearing Americans, I’ve got you covered.
With every gun purchase, Americans will also be given a license to grow, carry and smoke weed. Because you never see the headline, “Man Smokes Weed, Goes on Shooting Spree.” Never. You also never see the headline, “Man Smokes Weed, Goes on bank-robbing spree”. Because when you smoke weed, you just want to relax, chill out, and think about the vast mysteries of the universe before succumbing to the inevitable munchies.
So bake those brownies, and butter that popcorn, because weed is gonna solve this shit like antibiotics solved the Clap. And you’ll never have to worry about that isolated, bomb-making lunatic in the woods when he loses all of those twisted aspirations to “make a statement” and “blah blah blah,” because he’ll be too lazy with all of the THC in his system. He’ll be thinking about fishing, starting another garden. Maybe even getting over all that pointless heartache that sent him into Psycho-ville to begin with.
And the guns with still be there, collecting dust in the corner of the room, long forgotten. Because he needs to water those weeds, make sure they’re happy, getting enough sunshine. And he needs to share something else with the world, namely, this weed that he grew, created. And there will be women impressed with this, how Kind it is, how tasty, and then he’ll get laid. And no one ever went on a shooting spree after having an orgasm. Yeah, you won’t ever see that headline either.