Sarah Palin’s Presidential Crash Course

She's Hot
Yeah, she's hot

If using Sarah Palin as a political tool to woo Hillary supporters wasn’t bad enough, consider the actual ramifications if Senator McSleepy actually gets into office: a 40% chance of a Palin presidency. OUCH! I never thought I’d be saying this but… bring Hillary back! She can run as an Independent (and why don’t we have three political candidates anyway? Oh yeah, —harder to rig).

Maybe I should look on the bright side. Sarah Palin —if elected— will be the first VP who 90% of men (and perhaps 12% of women) want to sleep with. It might also usher an era of U.S. history books with pop-up pages. At least some high-schoolers will pass that chapter, if she doesn’t ban the books first, that is. And that’s the problem with Palin: no matter how many times you start out on the bright side, her record keeps dimming the lights. Studies suggest that only a third of the adult population have the ability to REASON. (The last paragraph summarizes the conclusion). When I first read that article I was shocked, but now soooo many things make sense in the world.

So we’re dummies, and yes, politicians lie, and yes, 2/3 of us believe them EVEN WHEN CONTRARY EVIDENCE IS PROVIDED. Meaning, if McCain stands there and tells the camera that he’s for REGULATION when his entire voting record has been about DE-regulation, the odds are still good that we’ll buy it. No wonder Bush keeps that 28% approval rating (the third that are clueless)! Which means a third of the country will be with McCain REGARDLESS if he goes batty and starts pressing red buttons. Maybe it’s OK though, —a third of us still have the ability to reason. I’m imagining it’s us “reader-types” but I’m sure there’s some goat-herders out there who get it too.

So if a third of Americans are clueless and a third “get it”, the battleground is clearly taking place among the final third of the population: the confused. And what better than a hot-lipped hockey mom with a naughty-librarian look, to distract men from the real issues? The likelihood of a Palin presidency is causing even Republicans to quiver, raising the question: Are we really going the way of the Romans? Hopefully by election day, American women will see through this ploy and save us from, err… ourselves?

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