Death by Electrocution

by Antenna Wilde

I was having a problem with an electrical outlet, so I had an electrician come over to check it out. He said there was no power to the outlet, and went around checking the other outlets. He was spending a lot of time checking these outlets, and I tell him which ones work already, but he keeps putting this electric sensor up to them, saying he, “needs to see if they work.” So I grab a lamp and plug it into an outlet he hasn’t checked yet: the lamp lights up.
He looks at me and says, “No, I have to use this sensor.”
“Yeah,” I say, “I’m using a sensor too, this lamp! You see how it’s on?” Because you know, the lamp is on, so obviously it’s working. And it’s not smoking haywire or shooting electric tree branches up the wall, so I say, “Why don’t you check the outlet over there, you know, the one that’s NOT working?”

At first he frowns at me, but then gets off his knees and goes over to squat down beside the first outlet, taking the plate off and pulling out some wires. “Oh, lookee here,” he says, probing his sensor into the jack, “If that ain’t the biggest rats nest I ever…” and suddenly lightning shoots up his veins and flashes all around him until his head sparkles like a Chisese pinata on New Years, and drops dead to the floor, simmering. I checked his pulse, but nothing. I felt bad, but still, I don’t see what’s wrong with using a lamp to see if an outlet works. Fuckin’ retard. Anyone know a good electrician?

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The Death of David Carradine : NOT the Way of the Grasshopper

What, would Master Po say, “One must be mindful, young Grasshopper, of choking oneself with a belt while whacking off in a hotel closet.”

No, this is NOT the way of the Grasshopper!

David Carradine was 72 years old—and looking pretty good for his years, I mean, the man got puntang. So then why… WHY, when he was doing what he loved, had the world as his oyster; had friends, fans and loved ones, did something prompt him —something so strong and persuading— to strip naked, wrap a curtain cord around his neck and hang himself in the closet? (Reports now indicate it was a shoe string). But still; so odd, so disturbing, so unlike Kwai Chang Caine.

Reports revealed the cause of death was autoerotic asphyxiation, yet Chuck Binder, Carradine’s manager, said he was found “with his hands tied behind his back”. This contradicts a newspaper report from Thai Rath which includes a photo of the actor with his hands tied behind his back.
But check out the photo: looks like the body of a female hooker to me. What gives? I don’t buy it. Rumors are circulating that Carradine was in the process of uncovering some Kung Fu underground, a claim stated by his attorney on Larry King Live, but this sounds to me more like a family’s attempt to create controversy and uncertainty around an otherwise unsavory fact: Carradine was kinky, and whoops—he fucked up. Two of his ex-wives have stated that he enjoyed a little S & M now and again, including bondage, but the jury is still out as to what the The Grasshopper’s real fate was. What do YOU think?

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