COVID-19 Upset Floyd Protests Taking Center Stage

by Antenna Wilde

As protests over the unjust killing of George Floyd continue to gain strength and media attention, the COVID-19 virus made a statement this morning lambasting the protests, and people in general.

“I’m not going to compare apples and oranges,” the virus said, “but we’re talking about a single death. And look how much attention it’s getting; it makes me sick. I’ve killed close to four hundred thousand people across the globe, so you’d think people wouldn’t get sidetracked, but here we are. It’s the media’s fault, I’ll tell you that. They want to distract you from me, the most important story in your lifetime, for ratings. Well I’ll give them ratings, you’ll see, I’ll mutate over this, mark my words, and I’ll be back in the Fall, I promise!”

Psychiatrists disagree over why the virus would want to cause so much trouble, and speculate over the cause; an unhappy childhood, rejection by a host organism, difficulty making a replication, and/or embarrassment over uncontrollable shedding. One thing they agree on, however, is that COVID-19 is one pissed off virus.

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