Hooters : You Came for A Sandwich?

by Antenna Wilde

Honestly, I’ve walked into two Hooters in my life, and it was the same cluster of sad, drooling losers trying to act like they’ve come for something other than booty shorts and fake tits. “But hey, the GAME is on!” Anyway, I walked by a Hooters last night—and yes, I had to peer through the window for an ogle because, let’s face it; Hooters doesn’t hire fatties.

Now isn’t this just the poor man’s version of a strip club? (Where Hooters girls end up, incidentally, if they don’t make it to the Annual Bikini Finals.) Personally, I prefer strip clubs. There’s something authentic about a strip club: the girls are whores, the guys are horny. But more importantly, nobody’s trying to pretend that they came for a sandwich. Check out Hooters website. Ah yes, there’s nothing like eating a Hogie with a boner.Hooters Makes You Hungry AND Horny?

Wow, look at that sandwich back there! I can almost taste the… uh, what is that, ham? It could be smoked turkey… legs… yes… definitely legs. According to this advertisement, the Hooter’s formula is: Hot chick + “makes you happy” = (can you guess?) Oh yeah, they also have sandwiches.

And Hooters sponsors sporting events too, like the NGA Tour. That’s right, it’s The Hooters Classic! I don’t know about you, but when I think golf, I think Titties! It’s likely the event will increase your handicap, but then again, you might not care.

Neither does anyone else. I did a google search on Hooters and found this: “Hooters Girls: The Finalists – 19841 views – 0 comments”Nobody Cares

It’s shocking really, that 19,841 people viewed the page and NOT ONE took the time to say anything. Not even, “Hey, nice tits!”

A lot of people think Hooters should be sued for only hiring hot chicks with big tits. And actually, they have been. But oddly enough, the biggest lawsuit settlement went to men, who wanted to be, uh… “Hooters boys”? Weird. And here’s something else weird: in the Hooters girl handbook, one of the conditions of employment requires Hooters Girls to sign a statement recognizing they may be victims of harassment: “I hereby acknowledge…the work environment is one in which joking and innuendo based on female sex appeal is commonplace.” So you could say that, making a “nice tits” comment is not only appropriate, but encouraged. So come on girls, just show us your tits, because who ever came for a sandwich?

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7 thoughts on “Hooters : You Came for A Sandwich?

  1. Every time I eat a fur-burger at Hooter’s I have to run to the bathroom and jerk off in the mirror. If it was not for the ketchup stains on my shirt starring back at me, there be no TIP for the waitress. Tits and a Sloppy Joe is like getting nailed by Ron Jeremy. Just downright Dirty Grits. Eat the food than eat the boob. Bow Chickah Bow Wow….

  2. au contraire, madame. I DO know a Hooter’s Girl. I also know there are many kind and personable Hooters Girls out there, and there are many girls who put themselves through college by stripping, and I see nothing wrong with that either. My aversion is to the NATURE of the establishment. If I want to eat, I go to a restaurant. If I want to see titties, I go to a strip club. I don’t try and FOOL myself into thinking I’m going to Hooters for the sandwiches. But perhaps in my satirical rant I WAS a bit hard on the ladies. Nonetheless, the REAL attack was aimed at the chain itself.
    How would you like to go to the supermarket and have the men in the meat department all wearing thongs? How would you like to see the local library drum up business by having the librarians all wearing brassieres? Don’t forget, Hooters in a “family” restaurant, so why not extend similar practices to other businesses around town in general? Besides, as a woman, don’t you find the name “Hooters” a bit insulting? It’s the equivalent of having an all-male restaurant named, “Schlongs,” where the men wear tight shorts with huge bulges (no bulge, no job). And by the way, thanks for commenting!

  3. Clearly, you don’t know any of the girls personally. Talk to the ones who put themselves through university by working there.

  4. i’d b afraid of the special sauce, so its best to just have a beer.
    the girls are stupid but that’s how i like them!

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