Previously President Obama refused to comment on whether Bin Laden did or did not have a relationship with Burger King between 1992 and 1995, but later conceded that special forces and CIA officials observed him eating a Whopper in Paris, France via satellite in 1991. Sources confirm that regardless of whether the beef was Halal, is was indeed confirmed to be genetically modified. Whether or not this fact will affect the martyr’s afterlife is open for debate.

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We are being bombarded by it; the horrible possibility of a government shutdown if the Dems and Reps don’t come to an agreement soon. Horse-puckey! Just another technique by the power elite to scare the public into accepting another attack on public services for the sake of the rich. Republicans claim tax breaks for billionaires are necessary because they create jobs, but the only jobs they are creating are overseas.
The Dems and Reps are two sides of the same coin: Reps slash programs that benefit people like seniors, the disabled and education, while the Dems cry foul but do nothing about it. For decades the Dems have been accused of being spineless—and with good reason—but the real reason is to facilitate the power elite agenda under the guise of making an effort in the *two party* system. This is why the “negotiations” are always behind closed doors. Fascinating how these public servants can’t let the actual public know what they’re really saying, that would be unfair to the snakes in office, and they make the rules, after all.
There will be no government shutdown, it’s a hoax. At the last minute, Obama will agree to the majority of the Republican agenda for the same reason he did before: it’s the same agenda of the power elite, you know, those who put him in office. Sure, lots of people *voted* for him, but make no mistake: he wouldn’t have been on a ticket if he didn’t make a deal with GE, Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan and Citibank, not to mention Big Oil and the military industrial complex. Funny how no one mentions cutting military spending while we spend ten times more than anyone else.
The government won’t shut down because the government makes the power elite their money by staying open for business. I’d love to see a government shutdown, just like I would love to see those banks *fail*, but it will never happen. Here’s a scenario that exemplifies why the government won’t shutdown: You own a business selling widgets, and the widgets are bought using public funds. You are in charge of deciding how many widgets are to be provided, and also how much funds will be made available for the purchasing of the widgets. Not a business too big to fail, just a *business* that cannot fail!

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In response to an overwhelming majority of Republicans being elected to the House of Representatives, the next speaker of the house John A. Boehner gave a speech so vague and lackluster that it was forgotten before it ended. He did say, however, that he would be doing “the will of the American people” and added the phrase, “the American people” more times in a single speech than any other speaker before him.

Opening with, “Across the country right now, we are witnessing a repudiation of Washington, a repudiation of big government and a repudiation of politicians who refuse to listen to the American people.” Boehner went on to say, “it’s clear tonight who the winners really are, and that’s the American people…For far too long Washington’s been doing what’s best for Washington, not what’s best for the American people.”

Afterward he dodged questions from the press by repeating “the American people” so often that it was hard to know if he said anything else. He also mentioned the American people.

“The American people spoke and I think it’s pretty clear that the Obama / Pelosi agenda is being rejected by the American people,” Boehner said, adding, “What unites us as Republicans will be the agenda of the American people. And if we are listening to the American people, I don’t see any problems incorporating members of the Tea Party…”

Dodging another question, Boehner said, “We’re humbled by the trust that the American people have placed in us, and as I said last night, our now job is to listen to the people and follow the will of the American people.”  

By the time Boehner said, “It’s pretty clear the American people want us to do something…” followed by nothing in particular, it seemed clear that he had no idea what the American people actually do want.

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In the original film, Harry Hamlin portrays Perseus well, realistic in terms of how a man would act under the circumstances. He is ignorant yet curious; enchanted by the gods who play him like a pawn in their game on Olympus. He is wooed by the gifts of sword and shield, and is trained to use them to his advantage. With the “new” Perseus, we see a man rejecting these gifts, determined to beat them “as a man” and yet he is fighting against the power of the gods! What “man” wouldn’t take the sword? Let me ask, would YOU take the sword? He does take the shield, perhaps because it is a gift from a man, but in mythology the shield was given by Hera. And by the way, no helmet of invisibility from Athena? And Andromeda is supposed to be Perseus’s love, and yet there is nothing between them. In fact, Perseus rejects her to go live alone on a mountain… what man would do that?

Ralph Fiennes clearly earns best actor as Hades. Thank you, Ralph. Liam Neison is sub-par as Zeus… and where is Poseidon? Poseidon doesn’t have a role at all, I can’t remember a single line he says. In fact, when Zeus famously cries out, “Release the Kraken” Poseidon isn’t even in the room. Zeus dismisses them all and tells Hades to release the Kraken. But Poseidon controls the Kraken, not Hades. This is such a fundamental error that it defies logic in a multimillion dollar film. Perhaps this is what happens when hack insiders hob-nob in Hollywood to get writing credits, or when directors decide to *write* it themselves by hollering out half-baked, ego-ridden improvisations. And what’s with Calibos? In the new film, Calibos isn’t Andromeda’s suitor, no connection at all, totally different guy in fact. And there’s no riddle for Perseus to solve, nothing the original script brought to the film. The original script which was based on mythology by the way. You know, the story! They should have just elaborated on the original script and made it into two detailed films, instead of hacking the original in half; like the pointless chase scene where Perseus goes after one of Hades minions who stole Medusa’s head, —what? Suddenly it was Avatar again.

With all it’s cheesy claymation, the original Clash of the Titans still kicks ass over the remake. I guess story, plot and pacing will always triumph over special effects, ego-stroking and the quest for fast money.

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At first he frowns at me, but then gets off his knees and goes over to squat down beside the first outlet, taking the plate off and pulling out some wires. “Oh, lookee here,” he says, probing his sensor into the jack, “If that ain’t the biggest rats nest I ever…” and suddenly lightning shoots up his veins and flashes all around him until his head sparkles like a Chisese pinata on New Years, and drops dead to the floor, simmering. I checked his pulse, but nothing. I felt bad, but still, I don’t see what’s wrong with using a lamp to see if an outlet works. Fuckin’ retard. Anyone know a good electrician?

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They’re all hookers.

Tiger Woods, one of the greatest golfers of all time. Tiger Woods, beloved family man endorsed by a host of multi-national corporations. And Tiger Woods, adulterous sex fiend. Every day another women steps into the media limelight with a new Tiger Woods sex story, yet questions remain: is he really a nymphomaniac, did his wife know about the cheating, and is he hung more like Arnold Palmer or Ben Hogan?

As for the girls, they all have two things in common: they’re all hookers, and they’re all… I guess they’re all hookers. They’re also all white—there you go—and I’m sure there’s other similarities, let me know if you think of any, like they all have the clap for example. But don’t say, “They’re not hookers, most of them have jobs working in night clubs.” Because right there, I rest my case. (Don’t get me wrong, just because you’re working as a cocktail waitress doesn’t mean you’re a whore, but whores often get jobs as cocktail waitresses to meet new clients.) And that’s exactly what’s going on here; hookers posing as night club employees to legitimize their profession. Admittedly, Holly Sampson is a former porn star and Joslyn James is a current porn star, and I say kudos to them, because at least they’re not phonies.

Here’s the line-up:

Rachel Uchitel: Club hostess/hooker.
Jaimee Grubbs: Cocktail waitress/hooker.
Kalika Moquin: Club manager/hooker.
Jaime Jungers: Lingerie model/hooker.
Cori Rist: Aspiring model/hooker.
Holly Sampson: Former porn star/hooker.
Joslyn James: Porn star/hooker.
Mindy Lawton: Waitress/hooker.

OK, I *kind of* get it, except for Mindy Lawton.

Harry Potter Had a Sex Change

Apparently Tiger likes paying for sex. He even offered his wife Elin 60 million dollars to stay with him. Of course, this is in addition to the money she’s already entitled to under their pre-nuptual agreement, a figure the NY Post reports as 300 million.
And it seems that she’s cashing the check, so…

…as we watch this spiraling flurry engulf Tiger in a media shit-storm, we should consider who got what out of all this. The tramps finally got the attention they desperately wanted, his wife doubled her multi-million dollar assets, the media got a whole lotta dirt, and Tiger got… laid. He should have stayed on the golf course. Too bad for his kids, but they can afford the best shrinks in the country. Elin is the real winner in all of this. Embarrassing, sure, but considering the extra 60 million Tiger’s doling out, each affair cost him (and earned her) a whopping 7.5 million. Do you think she’d have him un-do it all? I wonder. As for Woods, he should have stayed in Vegas. But then again… that’s where he met Kalika Moquin.

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I remember as a child, my father bringing it home, held soft and safe under his arm like a fragile Christmas package. My mother, however, was aghast. She said it had no fiber, no nutrients, no validity. My father flipped the plastic bundle around, red-white-and-blue, revealing the vitamin-enriched “fact” sheet: Vitamin D, calcium and Riboflavin; Iron, Thiamine and Niacin.
“Hogwash!” she cried, “It’s unnatural!”

Mother was right, it is unnatural, and father was right, it is vitamin enriched, but they’re both wrong. They missed the point, which is that, Wonder Bread is not made to be healthy, or natural, or even delicious. Wonder Bread is made to be a carrier for deliciousness, the altar upon which we lay our sacred fillings and processed deli meats. In essence, it merely amplifies that which you put within it. On its own, Wonder Bread isn’t that great, but add a mere slice of American cheese—or any kind of cheese you like—between two of those fluffy white pillows of Wonder, grill it with butter in a frying pan, well… I’ll be right back!

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llama Kill, a Retort
By Cousin inbred
11/21/09

First off, u should read Purdy Poo’s blog befor readin mine.
Now, Purdy Poo done think she can go steelin the spot-lite wit her storeeze of poopin lambas, and how rightieous she is by settin ‘em free? Well, yer cuzins got sumpthin to say bout that., cuz it just so happens that I waz the one drivin the pick-up truck that killed them lambas, and i didn’t feeel bad about it one buit. Fact is, I fed my whole family wit thos lambas, cuzons and all.

I waz drivin the trusty ol Chevy on route 2, same as any night after workin the night shift. It waz 6AM i rememebr cause that’s when I always have a “just-got-off-werk” shot off Jaxk Dansliels (special reserve) And these giant turkeys come staggering stupid-like across the road, and I hits em intenshunal-like cause i’m all happy when i gets a good road kill fer free, no worries on the highway gettin it fressh right there. But these lambas were big ol heavy fuckerz! HA! You shoulda seen them smack dab BAM fuckin SLAM on the hood and roll on out over to the sides of the road. One was dead fer sure and the other was brethin coughy rasp until i took my shotgun an plugged his head real good and overflow.

So i skinned em at home, gut em clean an fixed up the periferals. We called lots of people, lotz came. Cuzon greg came by wit some grease form Amy Bahkers and we made all kinds of funny edibles. Point is, you can feed a great many peoples with 2 llambas. Purdy Poo’s gota keep that in mind, how to see it in the true lite of nature; we being hungry animals and all, and needin feedin. Llamba poo may smell horrendible, but the meat is purdy sweet marinarded in beer and spices, put on the spit a while. Come on down, Purdy! We wont bite —much! heh heh heh.

Couzin Inbred

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11/20/09

Llama Poo
by Pretty poo

Let me tell you something about Llama poo, like, something that you probably don’t know. It totally stinks! Llamas have smelly, scruffy brown hair, like a dusty old floor mat, one of those dirty tan hemp mats. BTW, have you ever flipped over a hemp floor mat? Nothing but dirt and dust!
But ANYWAY, llama poo is the worst smelling poo I’ve ever known, and believe me, The Poo knows her poop!

I was house sitting for this crazy old animal talker. That’s someone who talks psychically with animals,—or so she tells people. (But people DO talk psychic with animals, I talk to my cat all the time, and she listens! I say, “Here Sheeba here” (in my mind) and she’ll prance over, then up onto my lap, “Yeay Sheeba!” And she’ll purr in my ear, and I’m pretty sure she’s saying, “Luuuvvvhyuu Rrrr.” So that’s like, psychic communication.)

But ANYWAY. This crazy old woman had nine stinking cats who poohed all over the house, and a couple dogs who poohed regular in the yard, and then there was the two llamas, and they poohed in pebbles; big pyramids of poo-pebbles that cascaded onto the floor of the fenced enclosure. (GOD I hate caged animals!) They had nowhere to run! No fun! No one to save them, —except for Poo, that is!

I made the decision after catching one whip of that stink… that horribly pungent STANK! Llama poo is so offensive it’s like putting your nose under a warm crock-pot full of methane and ammonia; burning your nose with it, hearing the crackle of mucus! They should tap into the essence of llama poo instead of drilling for oil in foreign countries. Give Poo a chance!

But ANYWAY, the llamas natural habitat is not to be enclosed in a 10 x 12 space, and these two llamas were already up to their ankles in ammoniated-methane-poo, so I made the decision to set them free. It was better for them, the environment, and yours truly (who has an especially sensitive olfactory system.) You should have seen the look of joy on their camel-like faces!

But those llamas died. I don’t know when they died, only that it was a little after I set them free. I heard about it later on, when the crazy old woman tried to sue me, (until I poohed in a newspaper, rolled it up, snuck into her room while she was sleeping and left it on the pillow next to her head. She saw it there the next morning, and knew. She knew not to fuck with The Poo!)

But ANYWAY, I was pretty sad about those llamas, I didn’t realize they had no survival skills in the wild. But don’t judge the Poo, I’m telling you some things you didn’t know,—and don’t think that I should feel bad,—up yours! The Poo has her pride! Those effing llamas never had it so good as when I set them free. And even though their sorry llama-lives were cut short, remember this: the star that burns twice as bright burns half as long. So you’re WELCOME llamas, and PS: your poo stinks!

Sincerely,
P.P.

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