llama Kill by Cousin Inbred

Antenna Wilde welcomes special guest blogger, Cousin inbred from Myspace.com

llama Kill, a Retort
By Cousin inbred
11/21/09

First off, u should read Purdy Poo’s blog befor readin mine.
Now, Purdy Poo done think she can go steelin the spot-lite wit her storeeze of poopin lambas, and how rightieous she is by settin ‘em free? Well, yer cuzins got sumpthin to say bout that., cuz it just so happens that I waz the one drivin the pick-up truck that killed them lambas, and i didn’t feeel bad about it one buit. Fact is, I fed my whole family wit thos lambas, cuzons and all.

I waz drivin the trusty ol Chevy on route 2, same as any night after workin the night shift. It waz 6AM i rememebr cause that’s when I always have a “just-got-off-werk” shot off Jaxk Dansliels (special reserve) And these giant turkeys come staggering stupid-like across the road, and I hits em intenshunal-like cause i’m all happy when i gets a good road kill fer free, no worries on the highway gettin it fressh right there. But these lambas were big ol heavy fuckerz! HA! You shoulda seen them smack dab BAM fuckin SLAM on the hood and roll on out over to the sides of the road. One was dead fer sure and the other was brethin coughy rasp until i took my shotgun an plugged his head real good and overflow.

So i skinned em at home, gut em clean an fixed up the periferals. We called lots of people, lotz came. Cuzon greg came by wit some grease form Amy Bahkers and we made all kinds of funny edibles. Point is, you can feed a great many peoples with 2 llambas. Purdy Poo’s gota keep that in mind, how to see it in the true lite of nature; we being hungry animals and all, and needin feedin. Llamba poo may smell horrendible, but the meat is purdy sweet marinarded in beer and spices, put on the spit a while. Come on down, Purdy! We wont bite —much! heh heh heh.

Couzin Inbred

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CNN Needs Editor, Nobody Cares

Can somebody help me with this one? Here on WordPress, CNN recently posted a blog regarding Harry Reid’s criticism of President Bush:

“Reid pointed to Bush’s failed plan to privatize the Social Security program and also said Bush “has done his very best to destroy Medicare” in order support his assessment of Bush’s presidency.”

“in order support his assessment”? I’ve read that line four times and still don’t get it, but I guess it’s just a rush job. And it seems that CNN, FOX and the other major networks are “blogging” for the sole purpose of extending their already-monopolized influence over WordPress and every other blogging community on the web. Excuse me, but FUCK the major networks. The “article” is two paragraphs long, the essence of which can be distilled into one sentence: Harry Reid said Bush is the worst President we’ve ever had. And big deal, because about a billion people on the planet have been saying that for the past eight years, but the disturbing point is that the “article” is followed by over 300 comments.

In fact, the comments had to be disabled due to the number of people commenting. Why? “I got my name on a CNN thread,” he said. They’re vanity comments, because what’s the point of the “story”? What real “news” is CNN providing us with? It’s a damn shame to have so many educated people spending their time making slave-like slobber-comments on a blog whose sole purpose is to monopolize and control the online stream, gather marketing information and distract you whenever there’s a story that the power-players don’t want you to know about.

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Fran Dreshner Eyes Hillary Clinton’s Senate Seat

Gross

Seriously, she wants it. Stuff me in a closet, wrap me in duct tape, heat up a bag of llama shit and shovel it on till I puke.  I’d rather see her team up with Gary Coleman—you know, that fuck-tard from Different Strokes—and make the most annoying porno ever before having to hear those horrendous vocal chords snotting through a microphone in the US Senate, “Aehhhh…. yeaaaaaaha, I’d like to make eh motion, eeaahh.”

Flittery Glitters!

Flittery Glitters!
by Antenna Wilde

I was hit in the face by a fish today. It’s true! I was swimming in the Gulf of Mexico, minding my own business, trying to catch the occasional bodysurf when a strange fluttering emerged from the sea. The first cluster was spread out like a mini-van, approaching from 10 yards away, then exploding in unison, arching themselves from the water in silvery glitters. A man behind me yelled, “Did you see those fish?”
“Yeah!” I said, turning in surprise. But when I turned back, another strange fluttering came, until the surface was breached and more silver, glistening dive bombers shot out in rapid succession, lobbing themselves at me,—I turned—but was hit! The slippery weight of a wet fish bounced off my cheek before careening back into the ocean.

It was a mullet. I checked with one of the life guards—who had been hit himself once, long ago—and he assured me that it was indeed a mullet. Then for a brief moment I wished I was a redneck who had a mullet haircut. Then I wished that, not only did I have a mullet, but that the mullet who hit me had hit the mullet instead of my cheek. And then I wished the mullet had been caught in my mullet, because I could have taken him home and had him for lunch.

That truly would have been my lucky day! But alas, I sit here eating tuna fish, wondering if I should go back out there with my fishing pole. I don’t think I will ever go swimming in the ocean again without thinking of those flittery glitters; those silvery shimmers, launching at me in defense of their playground. Or perhaps it was a game: maybe they were playing—like the dolphins—because after all, how do we know what a fish is really thinking? So if the fish was being friendly—giving me a kiss, perhaps—then I shall name him Flitter. Flitter the Mullet.

NEW UPDATE! Apparently flying fish are not uncommon, but I never thought they went THIS crazy!

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“FOX NEWS SUCKS” + “WordPress Rocks”

It is unfortunate that media giants like CNN and Fox “news” dominate the “top posts” section of the wordpress global dashboard. I don’t understand why WordPress even allows it. I clicked on the Fox link to make a comment telling them how much they suck, and waited 2 minutes while my computer went ape-shit trying to deal with all the bullshit they load the browser with, including cookies and IP finders that sell your information to SPAMMERS immediately after collecting it.

WordPress, you rock. I truly appreciate freeware and free user sites like this, but FUCK the mainstream media! Like they don’t have enough control already? I’d like to see some of the top WordPress sites of REAL PEOPLE. I know I can find them, but why let the giant, ass-fucking corporations spew disinformation and propaganda all over a user-friendly, people-friendly site like WORDPRESS? I suppose you have to pay the bills, yes? But how unfortunate. I’d almost prefer a few advertisements, if I knew Fox would be DENIED from force-feeding what we get on the television every day already.

Am I alone in this opinion? I wonder what other WordPress users think!

Hooters : You Came for A Sandwich?

by Antenna Wilde

Honestly, I’ve walked into two Hooters in my life, and it was the same cluster of sad, drooling losers trying to act like they’ve come for something other than booty shorts and fake tits. “But hey, the GAME is on!” Anyway, I walked by a Hooters last night—and yes, I had to peer through the window for an ogle because, let’s face it; Hooters doesn’t hire fatties.

Now isn’t this just the poor man’s version of a strip club? (Where Hooters girls end up, incidentally, if they don’t make it to the Annual Bikini Finals.) Personally, I prefer strip clubs. There’s something authentic about a strip club: the girls are whores, the guys are horny. But more importantly, nobody’s trying to pretend that they came for a sandwich. Check out Hooters website. Ah yes, there’s nothing like eating a Hogie with a boner.

Wow, look at that sandwich back there! I can almost taste the… uh, what is that, ham? It could be smoked turkey… legs… yes… definitely legs. According to this advertisement, the Hooter’s formula is: Hot chick + “makes you happy” = (can you guess?) Oh yeah, they also have sandwiches.

And Hooters sponsors sporting events too, like the NGA Tour. That’s right, it’s The Hooters Classic! I don’t know about you, but when I think golf, I think Titties! It’s likely the event will increase your handicap, but then again, you might not care.

Neither does anyone else. I did a google search on Hooters and found this: “Hooters Girls: The Finalists – 19841 views – 0 comments”

It’s shocking really, that 19,841 people viewed the page and NOT ONE took the time to say anything. Not even, “Hey, nice tits!”

A lot of people think Hooters should be sued for only hiring hot chicks with big tits. And actually, they have been. But oddly enough, the biggest lawsuit settlement went to men, who wanted to be, uh… “Hooters boys”? Weird. And here’s something else weird: in the Hooters girl handbook, one of the conditions of employment requires Hooters Girls to sign a statement recognizing they may be victims of harassment: “I hereby acknowledge…the work environment is one in which joking and innuendo based on female sex appeal is commonplace.” So you could say that, making a “nice tits” comment is not only appropriate, but encouraged. So come on girls, just show us your tits, because who ever came for a sandwich?

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