llama Kill by Cousin Inbred

Antenna Wilde welcomes special guest blogger, Cousin inbred from Myspace.com

llama Kill, a Retort
By Cousin inbred
11/21/09

So Purdy Poo done think she can go steelin the spot-lite wit her storeeze of poopin lambas, and how rightieous she is by settin ‘em free? Well, yer cuzins got sumpthin to say bout that., cuz it just so happens that I waz the one drivin the pick-up truck that killed them lambas, and i didn’t feeel bad about it one buit. Fact is, I fed my whole family wit thos lambas, cuzons and all.

I waz drivin the trusty ol Chevy on route 2, same as any night after workin the night shift. It waz 6AM i rememebr cause that’s when I always have a “just-got-off-werk” shot off Jaxk Dansliels (special reserve) And these giant turkeys come staggering stupid-like across the road, and I hits em intenshunal-like cause i’m all happy when i gets a good road kill fer free, no worries on the highway gettin it fressh right there. But these lambas were big ol heavy fuckerz! HA! You shoulda seen them smack dab BAM fuckin SLAM on the hood and roll on out over to the sides of the road. One was dead fer sure and the other was brethin coughy rasp until i took my shotgun an plugged his head real good and overflow.

So i skinned em at home, gut em clean an fixed up the periferals. We called lots of people, lotz came. Cuzon greg came by wit some grease form Amy Bahkers and we made all kinds of funny edibles. Point is, you can feed a great many peoples with 2 llambas. Purdy Poo’s gota keep that in mind, how to see it in the true lite of nature; we being hungry animals and all, and needin feedin. Llamba poo may smell horrendible, but the meat is purdy sweet marinarded in beer and spices, put on the spit a while. Come on down, Purdy! We wont bite —much! heh heh heh.

Couzin Inbred

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The Death of David Carradine : NOT the Way of the Grasshopper

What, would Master Po say, “One must be mindful, young Grasshopper, of choking oneself with a belt while jerking off in a hotel closet.”

Oh? NO! This is NOT the way of the Grasshopper!

David Carradine was 72 years old—and looking pretty good for his years, I mean, the man got puntang. So then why… WHY, when he was doing what he loved, had the world as his oyster; had friends, fans and loved ones, did something prompt him —something so strong and persuading— to strip naked, wrap a curtain cord around his neck and hang himself in the closet? (Reports now indicate it was a shoe string). But still; so odd, so disturbing, so unlike Kwai Chang Caine.

The latest reports are indicating the cause of death was autoerotic asphyxiation, yet Chuck Binder, Carradine’s manager, said he was found “with his hands tied behind his back”. This contradicts a newspaper report from Thai Rath which includes a photo of the actor with his hands tied behind his back.
But check out the photo: looks like the body of a female hooker to me. What gives? I don’t buy it. Rumors are circulating that Carradine was in the process of uncovering some Kung Fu underground, a claim stated by his attorney on Larry King Live, but this sounds to me more like a family’s attempt to create controversy and uncertainty around an otherwise unsavory fact: Carradine was kinky, and whoops—he fucked up. Two of his ex-wives have stated that he enjoyed a little S & M now and again, including bondage, but the jury is still out as to what the The Grasshopper’s real fate was. What do YOU think?

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Fran Dreshner Eyes Hillary Clinton’s Senate Seat

Gross

Seriously, she wants it. Stuff me in a closet wrapped in duct tape, heat up a bag of llama shit and shovel it over me till I puke.  I’d rather see her team up with Gary Coleman—you know, the fuck-tard from Different Strokes—and make the most annoying porno ever before having to hear those horrendous vocal chords snotting through a microphone in the US Senate, “Aehhhh…. yeaaaaaaha, I’d like to make eh motion, eeaahh.”

Hooters : You Came for A Sandwich?

by Antenna Wilde

Honestly, I’ve walked into two Hooters in my life, and it was the same cluster of sad, drooling losers trying to act like they’ve come for something other than booty shorts and fake tits. “But hey, the GAME is on!” Anyway, I walked by a Hooters last night—and yes, I had to peer through the window for an ogle because, let’s face it; Hooters doesn’t hire fatties.

Now isn’t this just the poor man’s version of a strip club? (Where Hooters girls end up, incidentally, if they don’t make it to the Annual Bikini Finals.) Personally, I prefer strip clubs. There’s something authentic about a strip club: the girls are whores, the guys are horny. But more importantly, nobody’s trying to pretend that they came for a sandwich. Check out Hooters website. Ah yes, there’s nothing like eating a Hogie with a boner.

Wow, look at that sandwich back there! I can almost taste the… uh, what is that, ham? It could be smoked turkey… legs… yes… definitely legs. According to this advertisement, the Hooter’s formula is: Hot chick + “makes you happy” = (can you guess?) Oh yeah, they also have sandwiches.

And Hooters sponsors sporting events too, like the NGA Tour. That’s right, it’s The Hooters Classic! I don’t know about you, but when I think golf, I think Titties! It’s likely the event will increase your handicap, but then again, you might not care.

Neither does anyone else. I did a google search on Hooters and found this: “Hooters Girls: The Finalists – 19841 views – 0 comments”

It’s shocking really, that 19,841 people viewed the page and NOT ONE took the time to say anything. Not even, “Hey, nice tits!”

A lot of people think Hooters should be sued for only hiring hot chicks with big tits. And actually, they have been. But oddly enough, the biggest lawsuit settlement went to men, who wanted to be, uh… “Hooters boys”? Weird. And here’s something else weird: in the Hooters girl handbook, one of the conditions of employment requires Hooters Girls to sign a statement recognizing they may be victims of harassment: “I hereby acknowledge…the work environment is one in which joking and innuendo based on female sex appeal is commonplace.” So you could say that, making a “nice tits” comment is not only appropriate, but encouraged. So come on girls, just show us your tits, because who ever came for a sandwich?

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